The monster inside of Me
by vivolet
Summary: ON HIATUS-After giving birth to Renesmee, Bella isn't responding to anything Edward is doing. He injected his venom. But thinks someone is playing a sick joke on him. Plot twisting story! Edwards p.o.v.
1. Chapter 1

I was too late.

I couldn't save her.

She was gone.

All's I was left with was….our daughter. _Renesmee_.

How could I have been so stupid? And late? I had it all planned, seeing Alice's vision.

How could I have done this to my love? She can't be gone. I'm just imagining this. Someone is playing a joke on me. _Well, it isn't funny and they are going to pay. _I could hear someone approaching.

_Edward? I didn't see this. But it's not your fault. Don't do something stupid. You still have us, you know. _

I need to get everyone out of my head. They all knew the minute it happened. Bella was strong. How could this have happened to her? She was Bella. This couldn't have happened after all she has been through. _Because of me_.

I was the poisonous drug to her. I've caused so much pain to her. _This is my entire fault_.

They were talking down there. _I'm not deaf_.

I hope they get the memo and leave me alone. Because whoever pulled this prank is going to pay. And they knew that. This is a cruel joke. She couldn't be apart of it? Could she? I mean she would _have to_ because she was lying there. Heavy and not moving, breathing. Nothing.

I've always not been able to _hear_ her, but this was pure skill. _Her vampire talent_??

I'd have to get Garrett on this one. I always knew she was talented.

I could hear Renesmee's heart beating a frenzy downstairs.

And…

Rosalie cooing away. _Can't she have her own? She is Bella's and my baby._

_Was the 'dog' apart of this?? If so, then it would be time to kill him. _

Why do I have to be such a monster? Especially to my love. I am a monster. But I don't want to be a monster. This is why I chose this life.

I tuned out of my own masochistic head for a bit and was listening to everyone else.

Rosalie's thoughts were apparent enough that I shouldn't of even tuned into her head, but I did anyway. _She is so cute. I wish she was mine. Why should I not be able to have a child of my own…with Emmett. Kids. I've always been a sucker._

At least it was better than what I usually heard from her.

Alice….was worried about me. I would be too, if I was the horrible person that is pulling this on me. She was talking to Carlisle.

Nobody else seemed to notice me sulking madly besides Alice and now Carlisle (he knew something was up) but now Esme.

_Edward? _It was Esme. _We are worried about you. What's wrong? Bella is going to be in the change for a couple of days. You need to see your daughter._

Yes the change. She was right about everything, of course. I put my venom in just like I had planned out. I wasn't too late she was still _suffering_ with the pain from birthing Renesmee.

_Carlisle is going to come up and check on you. _Alice knew better than to let him come up and reason with my beliefs at the moment.

I could hear Carlisle approaching. He seemed to be taking human speed rather than the alternative.

Giving me time. He is the wisest I've ever known.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hey everyone! Thanks for your awesome comments! They really mean a lot to me. So okay here is the dealie-o! Everyone knows the way Bella changes into a vampire. I wasn't 100% clear on the beginning details. So I made my own transformation process with still maintaining, Stephanie's transformation process! So please enjoy! Comment please!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything Twilight related. Its all Stephanie's brilliant creation!  
**

He was still standing in the doorway, thinking about how much time I needed to think it through.

_Edward?  
_I turned my head a little to see him.

_Would you like me to examine her to see whats wrong?_

All's I could manage was a head nod.

He finally got out of the doorway, very quickly this time. Knowing that I wanted the answer.

It seemed like such an eternity before he was done with everything.

I could see it in his face that he knew something was up, and this time it wasn't a joke.

He didn't want to face me. It was obvious; almost as obvious as his thoughts to me.

He didn't turn towards me; instead he turned his head to look outside the window.

_Edward? I don't know whats wrong with her. You gave her your venom, correct?_

I just nodded my head again.

_Hmmm. What could it possibly be? _Was what he thought.

Apparently even he didn't know what was wrong with my love.

_Well…maybe the venom didn't take? _

"That's impossible" I gritted through my teeth.

_I know, I know. But I have no idea. Maybe I'm just rusty on this whole changing thing. _

_I haven't done it in a while, you know._

"Yes I know. Is it normal for her not to be breathing and no heartbeat at the beginning of the change?"

_Was it like that? Let me think…_

Then I saw the flashbacks of Esme, Rosalie, Emmett, and Me. Then I remembered all the pain and drama that I had to go through. Horrible times.

_Apparently that is what happens. So Edward please can you just relax? Have you even held your baby girl yet? Bella will understand. You know she will. _

"No I haven't held her yet. But you know my duty is to Bella. She is my life."

He was going to speak now, "Yes but now you have a family. She's quite a delightful thing. She's growing very quickly. She keeps "telling" us that she wants to see her parents. Especially Bella."

"Telling you?"

"She is a gifted one, much like you and Alice."

"How?"

"Why don't you go and see for yourself?"

He headed out of the room. I knew I had to face her at some point. Not meaning that in a bad way, just I didn't want to leave my love like this.

I looked over at her. She was lying there, so still. No breath, no heartbeat. Just laying there helpless, unconscious, probably in loads of pain she didn't even begin to know.

I picked up her hand and kissed it.

"I'll be right back."

I walked to the door stopping to look back. _I'll be back._

With my vampire speed, I went downstairs to where my daughter was. It felt so odd to even think that much less begin to even have one.

Esme was holding her. With such care and love. She was already one of us. She had to be, no choice in that situation.

Esme knew I had come down. Everyone looked at me wondering if I was okay. If Bella was okay.

They all thought the same thoughts; _This must be so hard for him, leaving her upstairs. But she must be doing excellent or he wouldn't even be down here. Or he would…_

It was tiring listening to everyone's thoughts. They were all the same today. What were they going to be tomorrow? Or when Bella wakes up a newborn?

I didn't care because all's I knew was that I had a family now. No matter what they thought my responsibilities are. She is my daughter after all. My loves and I's.

Esme was going to give her to me.

I held out my arms and took her in. She was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.

She had her mothers human eyes. And her curls. But my hair color. She had ivory skin, but it was strong like ours.

She looked up at me and knew who I was instantly.

Next thing I know is she is putting her hand on my neck. _Is this apart of her gift Carlisle was talking about?  
_It obviously was because the instant her tiny ivory hand touched my pale, cold skin I saw what she had seen.

She was Bella, lying on the table with her stomach opened from where we cut her open to get our baby out. She saw Bella looking horrible, about to die with a bite in shape of a crescent moon about her breast.

And then she saw me. "No Renesmee, we don't do that."

"Renesmee" Bella said and before our baby knew it she was in the sink looking out seeing me, her father, saving her mothers life.


	3. Authors Note: Updates and Reasons

**AUTHORS NOTE:**

**Okay...so I am so beyond sorry that I haven't updated in well...FOREVER! I am in my third week of school taking lots of ap classes which means lots of homework. Its been really hard to update. I haven't even been able to hang with some of my best friends. Its sad. But sometime when I have a free weekend I will seriously update and make it a really really long chapter with lots of shocking details and drama waiting to be unfolded. I really hope you guys don't hate me. You just have to understand that I have been crazy busy. Even before school started I was going everywhere. **

**So again I am sorry and I am very thankful to have awesome readers that will understand my dilemma! So pretty soon, maybe this weekend? I will try to update. But I can't make any promises. Thanks again you guys for being patient and not sending crazy stuff like "When will you write??" Lol. **

**I'm updating soon! Thanks**

**~V  
**


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